john mulaney talking about how much he loves his wife and roasting other male comedians that just talk shit on their wives is why The Gays like him so much because he’s what Straight Culture should be
he literally called her a bitch so let’s raise the standards ladies and gentlemen
the bar is at the earth’s core
literally fuck you to hell tumblr
This is the first I heard of this guy and I think this is the most dramatically I’ve seen anyone’s words taken out of context in quite a while
I fucking hate James Tissot’s paintings because in ALL OF THEM there is ALWAYS someone staring right at you, but it’s not always immediately visible. You just feel watched by this mf. Sometimes the little shit is right there at the centre, but others the bastard is just gazing from the distance, it is CREEPY, my guys
I used to hate “wildlife” explanations for cryptids like calling Mothman a Barred owl etc., because I truly couldn’t comprehend a person mistaking something like an owl for a red-eyed human sized monster, but I worked as a park naturalist for a year and this isn’t hyperbole or a joke. I absolutely get it now and based on public accounts of wildlife I had to take down I literaly actually could believe Bigfoot has been an opossum this entire time.
Don’t get me WRONG Bigfoot is REAL it’s just probably most people haven’t really seen him and that’s my professional opinion
Visitor’s description of a dead animal: “Something MUTILATED it. Something huge… there was blood and gore EVERYWHERE. I’ve never seen anything like it outside of a horror movie.”
The dead animal in question: a lightly-scavenged yearling deer with a small bloodless wound in its side where a small carnivore had nibbled on it a little after death
A visitor’s description of a spider: “It was this huge TARANTULA! I swear to god, it’s the biggest spider I’ve ever seen in my LIFE. That thing could kill someone.”
The spider in question: a frightened male wolf spider with a 1 inch legspan cowering in the bathroom corner
A visitor’s description of a raven: “It was like, this giant crow.”
The raven in question: actually a redwing blackbird
A bird explaining to a hedgehog crossing so it doesn’t die.
!!! ok but that’s legitimately what it’s doing!! That’s a corvid right there (looks like a hooded crow, to be precise), which means it’s intelligent enough to recognize, a) cars are dangerous and streets should be treated with a certain degree of caution, b) this car’s slowing down for them–cars do that sometimes–which means they’re not in imminent danger, so it doesn’t have to fly away just yet, c) that hedgehog’s still gonna get killed if it doesn’t MOVE, FAST (cars can change speed very quickly and the hedgehog’s still in the way), and almost certainly also d) if the bird does nothing it gets a free lunch.
Y’all, Y’ALL. This bird is consciously deciding to put itself in danger in order to save the life of a very stupid creature. A creature which, if the bird did nothing, could be free food.
i can’t - look if you follow me you know I have a thing for corvids, but this is - like!!! People are always saying “ah yes they have sub-human intelligence and don’t consider anything that isn’t immediately necessary for their own survival/pleasure,” but! Whether or not it can do philosophy, this crow is clearly demonstratingcompassion. Even if it’s just the kind of compassion a toddler shows to a snail, a social creature that instinctively recognizes the potential for emotion in other beings, that’s still huge and cool and important and corvids!!! are! neat!!!
Hoover. 23. college chick. INFJ. software engineering major. climber slash hiker. fanatic of all things bear & bison. hopeful globetrotter. hilarious(ly cool, amirite?) nerd. Dis be my blog. Yod Hey Vav Hey. DFTBA.
A bird explaining to a hedgehog crossing so it doesn’t die.
!!! ok but that’s legitimately what it’s doing!! That’s a corvid right there (looks like a hooded crow, to be precise), which means it’s intelligent enough to recognize, a) cars are dangerous and streets should be treated with a certain degree of caution, b) this car’s slowing down for them–cars do that sometimes–which means they’re not in imminent danger, so it doesn’t have to fly away just yet, c) that hedgehog’s still gonna get killed if it doesn’t MOVE, FAST (cars can change speed very quickly and the hedgehog’s still in the way), and almost certainly also d) if the bird does nothing it gets a free lunch.
Y’all, Y’ALL. This bird is consciously deciding to put itself in danger in order to save the life of a very stupid creature. A creature which, if the bird did nothing, could be free food.
i can’t - look if you follow me you know I have a thing for corvids, but this is - like!!! People are always saying “ah yes they have sub-human intelligence and don’t consider anything that isn’t immediately necessary for their own survival/pleasure,” but! Whether or not it can do philosophy, this crow is clearly demonstratingcompassion. Even if it’s just the kind of compassion a toddler shows to a snail, a social creature that instinctively recognizes the potential for emotion in other beings, that’s still huge and cool and important and corvids!!! are! neat!!!
